26.10.2009

那天，刚从KL回来，就帮小妹庆祝生日，请家人去吃韩国餐。回来后，就陪妈妈去中药店买中药，看见了熟悉又陌生的东西，看着店里售卖的虾饼包装，贴字上写着”Roliyie”，心里突然有说不出口的辛酸，心酸，好想哭，就连现在写着这个blog，也突然有感慨，形容不出的伤心感~~ 这原本是”Roliyee”的字样，竟能让我的生活改变了~~
自从读master到现在，我真得有时会变得很不开心，我不喜欢自己那么爱钱，可是，我好辛苦，不知道为什么钱会花得如水那样，我不喜欢每次你来找我，或是我去找你，你都会给我钱用，只为了想让我生活不要过得那么辛苦，你告诉我，每天看到我那么辛苦教补习，你很心痛，也担心和害怕我的课业赶不上，你告诉我，你会努力赚钱娶我，不让我那么辛苦了，虽然我不知道我们的未来会怎样，但是，你知道吗？你这句话，就算以后不能成真也好，对现在的我来说，能带给我多么大的力量和安慰，让我累的时候，也会有个依靠。。。我真的不想花你的钱，这不是我要的关系，所以，我都把那些钱当预支，当成是我去找你的花费等等。。。
这个月，我有花了上千块，妈妈病了，买了仙人掌汁给妈妈喝，妹妹生日，又要买礼物，又要请家人吃，还有其他琐碎的花费，看到这么一大笔钱，我的心其实又不安了，虽然银行里还有钱，但是，就这一点跟德强很像，在银行里的钱出来的话，就是赤字，如果花得比赚得多，也是赤字，所以，像我们这种人真得很辛苦，常常都会感到危机感，会想要赚很多很多钱。。。所以我，再累也要拼命赚钱！
曾经，我真的没有要努力赚钱的那种意识，终日开开心心的。。。
曾经，我不需要为家里花什么钱，只是觉得，家人生日时，我会主动请吃，花点心思买礼物给妈妈，我已经是三姐妹里，为家里出最多钱的了。。。
可是，那都是曾经，我突然间，感觉到做大姐的压力，感觉到，大姐是要扛起照顾妹妹的责任，尤其是我小妹，我跟他最好了，她也是最疼我的妹妹，我也最疼她，虽然有时他花我的钱像水那样我会很不开心，可是，有时候他又会很懂事的，忍着他想要买的东西，因为看到我这样不开心。。。他有时也会很恶心得跟我说很感动的话，她说会心疼看到我每天就是补习补习补习而已！我没就是这样，说话很直，所以不开心的我都跟他讲，如果他看不过眼了，就会帮我出头！或许现在我才真正开始，要学习当一个大姐吧！
我不会怪任何人，对于我的家庭这样，我已很心满意足，我知道比上不足，比下有余，我也知道知足常乐。。。所以，或许某些时候，我会很不耐烦地碎碎念，这些都只是还不习惯，不习惯我生活上的改变。。。谁没压力呢？只是看看要怎样处理。。。我选择了释放出来，不喜欢藏起来，不然会爆炸的，心病是没药医的，我试着凡是看开一点，就算看不开，给我念下，一觉醒来我又忘了，只要记得，那些美丽的回忆，那些一直在我身边的朋友，那些在我想不通时，给我意见的人，还有那些爱我的人！！

Busy week...

This week, I’m damn busy!! Two test, two asg! One of the test is being informed jz 2 days b4 the day. But dis makes no different also, coz I still study both of the test on the last day. Haha… And it was so excited when having PDE test, coz 1^st time really dono how to do, I mean, 1^st time I really don recognize the questions on the paper, am I really studying dis subject for whole semester? Y am I feeling so stranger to the questions there. Haha… Good try for master!!! Then, is the UHP asg about global issues!! Last time, I’ve been suffered wen dealing with the title for our group asg-Challenges towards American Hegemony. I think my yeyeshengge gang also think dat me n keong oredi gone crazy for the “ Haagen Daz”. Well, I can tell, dat time, I really feel dat, it wasn’t my tough time yet. Soon, I know the time will reach until Thursday nite!! Haiz, its really tough n tortures me the whole nite. I never burn the midnite oil for the whole nite until morning straight away going to the 8am class! Haha… So excited! I tot I stil young and can stand for it. However, the next day, meeting till 3am makes me feel collapse. Haha.. I cant really concentrate in teaching tuition. Even start to mumble during tuition! Wat a disgrace! Haha… But luckily, really feel so fortunate to hav my student. She is more like my fren than a student. I really wish dat can help her go into the college wit better result and better basic so dat she won feel too tough wen she go into the college in the future!

Yesterday, my yeyeshengge gang went to yum cha again. At That’s café! Dat is a nice place, but too bad, I din join them. Sorry to allow my “old” body to rest. Haha.. But trust me, I’ll join u all the next yeyeshengge plan! Haha… And, 383, I’m waiting u to come bec!! Miss ur voice ler...

Woo Hoo, one more thing wanna mention here is, my study week start lor!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haha….. Can rest lor!!! These few days really so shiok wor… No need go class, finally can watch Tv!!! I watched G-force too, its really really nice.. Haha… And one more love story, The Notebook. Its really really nice!! They love each other till very old, till the gal forgotten all their stories, he repeat it everyday to regain her memory bec, even jz for few minutes. And finally, they died together peacefully on the same bed. So touching.. And most important is, the cast r so handsome n beautiful! Haha…